When I set out on this, what I am calling,
Soul’s Journey (on 7-16-14) I had a few, pretty clear, intentions and desires but aside from those, I just wanted to learn and grow on the road. I intended to get passed any fears I may have and experience the magnificence of life despite and in the face of them (from the fear of heights to the fear of being alone) while following my desires of freedom, connection and exploration all while learning non-attachment. Being open to all things while attached to nothing! I intended to learn from my fears instead of hiding from them and I intended to follow my bliss and live a life based on desire and not fear. I just had no idea, when I set out on my journey, what that really looked like
I had a handful of destinations within the USA in which I
wanted to visit (places I had always wanted to see or people I had not been
able to spend enough time with due to the lack of time or money to travel).
Other than those predetermined locations, along my path, I have allowed my
destinations to be determined by what I refer to as Divine Guidance. I believe
we all come into this life with lessons needed to be learned and on this
journey I have had many experiences and ran into and met several people who put me smack dab in
the middle of a lesson meant for me to learn…not only at just the precise time I was meant to learn them but at the time I was capable and ready to do so. I thought I might be heading in a certain direction to only be guided in the opposite direction.
I haven’t been writing much lately and beating myself up for
not doing so. I had wanted to blog at least once a week and work on my book on
a daily basis. I have been on this journey and collecting experiences along the way and learning WAY more with each destination and experience than I have been
giving myself time to process and write about. Looking back on the past three
months of this journey, there is not one place I stayed or visited that I did
not have an extraordinary connection and/or lesson. That is pretty amazing,
yes, but what about the time needed to really process the information and learn
from the lessons? This brings me to today!
I met a new friend while camping in the Smoky Mountains
(that will be a blog and at least one whole chapter of my book all by itself) a
little over three weeks ago. He lives in a suburb just outside of Atlanta, Georgia,
which happened to be a city I hoped to visit on this journey since I had never
been. He and I had a real soul connection and did lots of talking at night next
to the campfire after everyone else went to sleep. (Side note and reality
check: Did I really just say/type that? I, Lori LaMantia….little ol’ me was
CAMPING in the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee, a world away from the suburb I was
living in in California, and connected with a great soul!!! WOW!!! THAT is so
amazing to me!!!) It felt so good to really connect with someone especially
after being on the road, mostly alone, for 2 months. The last night of the camping trip the friend who was camping with me (that I met in Alabama and brought with me on this leg of my journey) and I shared his tent (mini-conference center, as he called it) with him and
his daughters. That is how connected and comfortable we felt with one
another. It felt bittersweet once we
packed up to leave on the fourth day. To say “good-bye” to new friends along my
journey has been one of the most difficult parts. He and I exchanged contact
information and stayed in pretty close contact and very soon after leaving the
Smoky Mountains he invited me to stay in his home, in Atlanta, which is where I
am today and have been for the past 6 days.
Soon after I arrived in Atlanta he expressed concern that he was worried that being here may not be exciting enough for me, that I have been on the road and on the go for so long that he feared I may get bored here. I explained to him that slowing down was just what I desired and needed. I got to his house with a slight fever, my body feeling achy, and my throat a bit sore. Besides the fact I thought it best I get myself a motel room until I was better as to not infect him or his girls (although he insisted that was not necessary), I believed it was a timely sign from my body that I do indeed slow down and rest. Since being here we have mostly done just that. We did go to a concert one night (to see a cover band playing the greatest hits from my very favorite band…another sign of timeliness on my journey that they were playing MY favorite band while I was here) but other than that we have slept in, cooked great and healthy meals together, watched sports (my SF 49ers and the SF Giants) went to church together and to yoga (all things I really needed and desired), and have been talking A LOT about all things having to do with life! I had been feeling a bit ansy the last couple of days since I had not gone out to see Atlanta and the surrounding areas. When we first talked about me coming here we had a two-day back country hiking/camping trip in mind and other outdoor places he wanted to take me to see but it has been raining on and off since I have been here making those plans not realistic, at this time.
We were going to get up and out this morning but it was raining hard, harder
than it has been, so we settled into a comfortable routine of sipping on coffee
on the couch, with the door wide open to listen to the rain, with great
conversation. Not just any surface conversation but we got into some really
deep conversation about life and our paths which lead to discussion about the
Big Book, the 12-Step book of recovery (he is a recovering alcoholic). I am
familiar with the 12-steps after having attended Co-Dependents Anonymous many
years ago and studying addiction in grad school but today while he was talking
to me about the steps a light bulb went off for me that perhaps my working
through the 12 steps myself, now…while on this journey would be helpful if not
necessary. I shared that thought with him and he asked me, “but what are you
powerless over?” I contemplated for a minute then said that it is my desire to
not allow anything to have power over me from my mind to my emotions to sex or
food and that it just felt timely that I am here discussing this with him as it
pertains to the 12-steps and his addiction and my desire for non-attachment.
I truly believe there is a reason for everything and I know
there is a reason I am here, in Atlanta, with him and he is here with me. We
have had discussions what we thought those reasons might be. We wondered, and
talked about if we believed or thought the reason could be stemming from a
romantic nature. I am so glad and grateful that we talked to each other, at
length, about that possibility and the possible consequences of becoming
intimate with one another instead of us frivolously acting upon our mutual
attraction to one another because I believe a big part of the reason we are
here with one another and almost ‘forced” to be inside talking more than
anything else is to help each other be completely aware with the place we are
each at in our own path of self-discovery and growth and to give some
perspective from a trusted soul connection of the opposite sex on some issues
and topics that only the opposite sex can give. He has very strong attachments
and beliefs to many things I have learned non-attachment with so I have been
able to help him become more aware of his beliefs and positions on some topics
and in turn not only has he given me a place to call home while I make some
discoveries and do my writing but I am realizing that with my desire to completely
learn non-attachment and feel free to live a life of true freedom it may be a
great idea for me to work the 12-steps. One of the things I have been saying is
that I feel it is important for me to truly know myself, deeply and intimately,
in order for me to ever truly hope to know and be intimate with someone else
(when I use the word intimate I am not referring to (just) sex. Intimacy comes
with all relationships and in many levels).
I also think it is important for me (all people really) to make amends
with anyone I have hurt or have any unspoken resentments with and I had a
desire to do this before I went out on the road but it did not happen, mostly
due to time constraints but I am feeling like while I am out on the road this
is the perfect time for me to take an inventory of SO many things so I can do
this….it is never too late and always right on time. So, on this journey I vow
to not leave any stone unturned. As difficult or as painful as it may be I am
going to continue to look inward and truly learn what makes Lori tick, what
fills my soul, what hurts me and why I do all the millions of things that I do.
I do not desire to be around people when I am lonely but look inside as to why
I feel lonely and deal with it; when I feel scared I do not desire to only get
to a place where I feel safe (emotionally) but to truly understand what I am
afraid of and to deal with it. I believe being on the road allows me to do just
this and a whole lot more. Every day I am driven to the people and places for
me to learn my lessons (many times even before I knew myself that I had that
lesson to learn) and on the road I don’t have any of my comforts or securities
to use as a crutch or to use to hide. Instead, I am forced every day and every
moment to trust myself and be with myself in order to truly learn myself and completely
and utterly fall in love with ME!!! NO STONE UNTURNED!
